happiness damn near destroys you

so i had been having a wonderful, beautiful day. i woke up, got ready, went to a meeting for the Newman Clubs and participated (yay!), talked and walked with Father Josh, did homework, and played games. and lots of foosball. and more games. and more foosball. and i almost beat Father Josh. so close. but alas. i did not. and at the end of the night i was hoping that Stephen and i would play each other but he just left. and things kinda went downhill for the next 10 minutes. and i felt horrible.

knowing what happiness feels like is absolutely brutal when you are experiencing the basic opposite.

and trying my best to be happy and fight through my heartache is tough, but i know i need to do it.

anyway, i still have homework to do so i'm going to go do that now!





shirt - Sidecca, shorts - Reebok, secondhand from my mom, belt - secondhand, tights - Target, headband - Claire's, shoes - Rocketdog

I'm fraudulent, a thief at best, a coward who paints a bulls*** canvas

So lately I've been trying to deal with some problems, issues, and deficiencies on my part.

i feel like i'm fading but that i'm growing stronger at the same time. its a hard concept to grasp, i know. but after all these years of being so selfish and impatient and prideful, i finally want to tear that all down. i want to, but i'm having a difficult time getting past the roadblocks in my heart.

so i'll send up a prayer in hopes that God will get me there
and i'll stop painting bulls*** and learn to paint me
even though what i have to put down isn't all that wonderful
i don't want to be fake anymore


aaand here is Sunday's version of my outfits -- church clothes. :)

could you please listen while i figure things out

Wow -- it has been nine days since I've been on the blog.
in the process of it all I have moved myself in, done a ton of other different things, and found some heartache, joy, and disconcert in my life.

My melancholy is hard to shirk but i'm hoping that it leaves soon. i want to be happy and i want to figure things out. life is crazy and i am praying for the rainbow at the end of all this crazy rain.

so here's some pics of my new room and my new style -- there will definitely be more to come as long as i keep up with my laundry!




shirt - mossimo via target; culottes - vintage via etsy; belt - secondhand; necklace - target, headband - gift, shoes - rocketdog

honey i'm home!

i'm back in Pittsburgh!
aaaand.... i'm exhausted but can't sleep.
i think i'm too excited.

and all i can keep thinking about is: "how can i make the space in this room go farther?"

ah... you can tell i'm jetlagging it already.

its 3 am -- and i want to be up at 730.

how you exist when you're living in a dreamworld

i leave in about an hour and a half! i am so excited, but last night i had quite a spell of falling apart. Considering that i haven't done much of that in a while, it surprised me, but I think it was good for me to get it out. i am both extremely excited and a bit terrified of going back to a place that holds so many memories for me. but considering that right now i feel like i'm caught in a melancholy stagnancy, almost like i'm living in a dream. i want to get out of it and get back to reality, get back to daily living and being able to grow and change. at home i just don't feel like i have that opportunity so much. so in that respect, i cannot wait to get back to Pittsburgh. i can't wait to get back to real life. don't get me wrong -- i will miss my family terribly, and i love them more than anything -- but right now at this point, i need friends.

so i begin the journey today, taking my step out of the awkward in-between.

"ready to go"


"DEJALO!"

write.erase.repeat

i leave for Pittsburgh in less than 14 hours! i am so very excited to return to my home away from home -- and make my dorm feel like home for me. in the process i've been looking for a lot of stuff to make it more personal.

it just occured to me that having a little blackboard might be a great idea. :)

here are some of the ones that i've found that i really like...

Chalk Thoughts

Chalkboard Vinyl Message Center

Round Speech Bubble Chalkboard Decal

i am absolutely in love with these -- i have a feeling that i might end up getting one or two of them eventually. ;)

i just love the ability to take something and recreate with it. i like the speech bubbles the most for something creative to play with -- but i like the message center for day-to-day planning.

hmm....

its your gradual descent into a life you never meant

i find that doing things deliberately and with purpose often leads to heartbreak and pain -- but going through life without trying anything, without attempting anything monumental, without loving with all you have can leave you empty. i would rather feel pain and heartbreak tenfold than to be numb.

I did all this deliberately --
i decided that i was going to find something that made me happy and made me smile.
something that could fill a little bit of my life without eating my life completely.
i decided to cut my hair and fall in love with style.

...we'll see how i come out of it.

i promised myself that i would never again lead a life unexamined.

... i also promised myself that i would never again lead a life based on what other people think.

this is me.

...this is the life i mean for me. starting now.

~*~*~

so i've been searching around, looking for things and trying to set up how my dorm will look when i get back, etc. here's are a few things i found...

The Wave Pillowcase Set

Complete Embellishing by Kayte Terry

Born-Again Vintage

...there was other stuff...
oh...yeah.
this chair that i'm trying to get! (I want a chair to be able to chill and play my bass in... i think this would also be good as a prop for taking pictures :))


it looks like a good chair -- the wood is absolutely beautiful and the color of the upholstery is good too -- just needs a little lovin. :)

and for the curtain between Kate's side and my side -- i'm looking at these -- help me decide!

and i was your silver lining, but now i'm gold

so -- you guessed it! I went out and chopped my hair!
I got myself some bangs, which i haven't had in AGES (and by AGES i mean at least 16 years).
ALL of my clothes are officially packed, so i have some barely-able remnants from the bottom of a drawer, as well as a bathing suit that i had completely forgotten about! :)

I hope you enjoy the new haircut as much as i do...
it turns out that i have awfully thick hair, so accordingly, my bangs are also quite thick.
its not horrible, but they need to do a bit of growing in. ;)



its gonna take some getting used to, but i love it already!

just because she likes the same bizarro crap you do doesn't mean she's your soul mate...

So i have this wonderful wonderful friend who has decided to do this whole fashion blog with me -- i would say that you should go check her out... but instead i will leave this little link here and just let you do what you want with it. :)

mute vibrations




in other news!

i have a surprise for tomorrow -- i will just tell you that it has something to do with this picture, and my inspiration (always) in The Clothes Horse.


can't wait to show you tomorrow!!!! XD

and its the worst/best/hardest thing i have ever done

so i found this secret on PostSecret this morning...
i almost jumped out of my skin.
i feel like he could have written this about me after everything we've been through in the last 8 months -- and the last 5 weeks.


dang. i thought i was over this.
...well, i guess there will always be moments, eh?

*~~*~~*~~*

in better news!

i am shipping my amp and my sewing machine tomorrow, and I only have 3 days until i am gone from here.

i've also found these -- and i can't begin to tell you how much i love them. :)




these wonderful prints are all beautiful works by Johnny Taylor, an artist currently based in L.A.
check him out here.

i hope your weekends have gone wonderfully ~ i will now head downstairs to eat pancakes :)

when days count down like seconds to detonate

I just can't wait to go back. goodness i look forward to it like nothing else.

and i don't really have a whole lot to say today.
life has been crazy uneventful, and my mind is running all over the place (but at least in the same general direction this time). I may have a job for the fall, along with a bunch of other stuff that i will have going on. its gonna be crazy, but crazy good.

so here are the culottes i bought yesterday -- adorable, huh?


when i arrive at school i will have so many clothes waiting for me! :)

and here's my outfit for today -- scrounged from the horrible pieces left at the bottom of my closet!

all of the stuff is via Kohl's -- except for the belt, which is vintage

i fold...

so i caved. i gave in. i folded. i did an outfit today...
i scrounged through what i had accidentally left unpacked, and even dug through some of my previously packed stuff to get to the leggings. but here's my outfit for today. :)

(and when i'm done i'll end up folding again... to pack... again.)

Summer makes me smile

wow. i just discovered Etsy (as i just stated in my post below) and I went crazy! I shopped for things under $10, and I ended up buying quite a bit of stuff -- all so summery and happy and bright! I can't wait to get them all!

Polka Dot Culottes

I love these! The high waist is my favorite part -- how breezy and easy these culottes look -- perfect for Pittsburgh in the summer!

Vintage Model's Coat Cute Duster with Apple Print

this dress really stuck out to me -- so bright and colorful! in the past i've been known to be very color-shy and print-phobic, so i love that i'm finally breaking out of that!

Vintage Smart Sally's School Smock

I just thought this was too adorable -- and i just couldn't help but picture myself in it with some leggings or shorts, jumping around.

Too Cute Rainbow 70s Mini Tent Dress

So, getting away from that whole color-phobic thing -- I bought this "too cute" dress. i love that it has pockets and that i can wear it with or without a belt. Unfortunately, the wonderful yellow belt and the owl pendant aren't included. :( they go so perfectly! guess i'll need to find something that fits my own style to go with it. :)

Vintage Vending Machine Pepsi and 7up Necklaces

when i saw these i knew i had to get them -- i only wish there had been three instead of two. sweet :)

and... i didn't get this from Etsy but off ebay -- and i love it.
way to tie my vintage love to my faith!

Virgin Mary Jesus Bottle Cap Necklace Art Catholic

So i am going to see (500) Days of Summer tonight -- for the second time (yes i already stated this in my prior post today, i know). The sad part is i have nothing particularly cute to wear tonight. I am going to watch a movie with my fashion inspiration as the leading lady -- and I have nothing Zooey-esque to wear! What a crime!!

anyway...

I just can't wait to go back to Pittsburgh at this point -- i have so much planned for when i get back! <3

traveling one step at a time

"Remember that happiness is a way of travel - not a destination." ~Roy M. Gooman

So I won't have any outfits to show you for a while -- I packed all of my clothes into my loverly suitcases and i packed so tightly that i don't want to risk pulling anything out. >_<
So a whole leg of traveling coming for me soon enough, right now i'm enjoying my remaining time home. I will be seeing (500) Days of Summer again today... yes i love it that much!

I do have some special desires right now, though....

this adorable piece...

Vintage Model's Coat Cute Duster with Apple Print

and this one...

Vintage Early 1960s Dress Green with Lacy Trim

i am in love with this dress, except for the pocket. maybe if i got it i could make the pocket look better. that poodle is not my style..

Vintage 1960s Dress or Housedress with Poodle Pocket

goodness... i seem to have just discovered the beauty that is Etsy...
<3!

here is there and now is always

"Beyond happiness or unhappiness, though it is both things, love is intensity; it does not give us eternity but life, that second in which the doors of time and space open just a crack: here is there and now is always." - Octavio Paz

I would say that's a pretty perfect description of (500) Days of Summer.

...or my life right now.

I cannot wait to go back to school. 7 days and i will be there! yay Pittsburgh!
Oh--and i apologize for the lack of real camera -- as soon as I learn how to work the settings on mine (likely when i get back to school and can use Ps too...)

...So I am already putting up my day 2 post because i have been packing for school and I wanted to try on some outfits before I packed them all up. I have 6 days to takeoff, and I want to make sure that I get everything into my two suitcases!

So i picked out my outfit for tomorrow, and I tried on my GORGEOUS new shoes.

LifeStride - Smith, grey

hiya! ~ shirt-Carole Little, leggings-xhilaration via Target, shoes-LifeStride, belt-seconhand, necklace-Target

love this ~ I took one thick strand of hair and twisted it, and put it up with a barrette such that the twist stayed, the loop stayed, and the end looked like a little plume. ;)

i put together my outfit for tomorrow ~ shirt-Forever21, shorts-Cell via Sidecca, sandals-b.o.c. via famous footwear, bracelets-Claire's, barrette-my aunt's, necklace-Target, belt-secondhand